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Written by Cosma Papouis   
Thursday, 15 July 2010 13:08

My mates swear they dream in colour.

It's just a pigment of their imagination.


men in there 20's like to play football 
Men in there 30's like to play cricket 
Men in there 40's like to play snooker 
Men in there 50's like to play golf... 
Have you noticed that as men get older there balls seem to get smaller 
and smaller


What do you call someone in 10 Downing Street who is honest, 
trustworthy, reliable and ethical?

A visitor.


I've been invited to a bondage party, a week on Saturday.

I'd love to go but I'm already tied up that day.


I swear to God I'm an atheist! !!!!


I've been voted employee of the month for the last 15 months.

Being self-employed has its advantages.

What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon.


I have just watched Hitchcock's "The Birds." I can't understand why 
there's a lot of screaming in it. 
They obviously haven't tried to eat a bag of chips on the sea front at 


A young horse, six weeks old, has been stolen from a farm in Baildon, 
West Yorkshire.

Well you know what they say, a foal and his mummy are easily parted.


Why did the Yeast have brain damage.?

Coz it was inbread


I wouldn't do charity work if you paid me

I went into JobCentre Plus on Friday.The girl offered me a job as a 
blacksmith. "Have you ever shoed a horse?"

"No, but I once told a donkey to sod off".

There are three types of people in this world, those that can do maths, 
and those that can't....


"The doctor removed my left ventricle and atrium," Tom said halfheartedly


Remember Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.


The first day of my new job was a baptism of fire.Now they're trying to 
take away my vicar's license.


What do you call a mexican carpet fitter? Underlay. Underlay


I built a Bran new house out of cereal......

I used Weetabrix.

Keeps me from getting Frostie in the winter, 
...which is good, as I don't want my Golden Nuggets shrivelling up.

Cereal jokes... surprisingly amuesling.


Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana, 
press the hash key...


Just Came Home To Find My Drain pipes fallen off....

I was guttered

The Titanic can't have been that well built if it got sunk by a lettuce!


Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to 
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe 
you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.


I took my Dad's sister on the waltzers at the funfair earlier 
......Oh my giddy Aunt

went on a blind date last night.

I can't see us getting along.

I found some cannibas in the ocean todayI think I'll call it sea 


went into a Chinese takeaway last night. The owner of the shop said 
"What do you do for a riving" I said "What do I do for a living? I'm a 
bit of a comedian" So the Chinese chap says "Tell me a joke, make me 
raff" Just then his wok caught fire, so I said "Wok! Wok!" And he said 
"Who der"





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