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An Airline With a Sense of Humor PDF Print E-mail
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Written by Cosma Papouis   
Thursday, 12 August 2010 11:02


Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline

that doesn't take itself too seriously.


Check out their new livery! And see their

crew's comments down below...


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Subject: From the cockpit on KULULA.COM-

South Africa's Budget Airline

WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY

INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT

THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR - SO

TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.


Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in

Johannesburg .

Kulula airline attendants make an effort to

make the in-flight "safety lecture" and

announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been

heard or reported:

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned

seating, you just sit where you want)

passengers were apparently having a

hard time choosing, when a flight

attendant announced, "People,

people we're not picking out furniture

here, find a seat and get in it!"


---o0o---

On another flight with a very

"senior" flight attendant crew, the

pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen,

we've reached cruising altitude

and will be turning down the cabin

lights. This is for your comfort

and to enhance the appearance

of your flight attendants.

----o0o---

On landing, the stewardess said,

"Please be sure to take all of

your belongings.. If you're going

to leave anything, please make

sure it's something we'd like to have."


----o0o---

"There may be 50 ways to leave

your lover, but there are only 4

ways out  of this airplane."

---o0o---

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We

hope you enjoyed giving us the

business as much as we enjoyed

taking you for a ride."


---o0o---

As the plane landed and was

coming to a stop at Durban Airport ,

a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:

"Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

---o0o---

After a particularly rough landing during

thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight

attendant on a flight announced,

"Please take care when opening the

overhead compartments because, after

a landing like that, sure as hell everything

has shifted."

---o0o---

From a Kulula employee: " Welcome

aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth .

To operate your seat belt, insert

the metal tab into the buckle, pull

tight. It works just like every other

seat belt; and, if you don't know

how to operate one, you probably

shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

---o0o---

"In the event of a sudden loss of

cabin pressure, masks will descend

from the ceiling. Stop screaming,

grab the mask, and pull it over your

face. If you have a small child travelling

with you, secure your mask before

assisting with theirs. If you are travelling

with more than one small child, pick

your favourite."

---o0o---

Weather at our destination is 50

degrees with some broken clouds,

but we'll try to have them fixed before

we arrive. Thank you, and remember,

nobody loves you, or your money, more

than Kulula Airlines."

----o0o---

"Your seats cushions can be used

for flotation; and in the event of an

emergency water landing, please

paddle to shore and take them with

our compliments."

---o0o---

"As you exit the plane, make sure

to gather all of your belongings. Anything

left behind will be distributed evenly

among the flight attendants. Please do

not leave children or spouses..."

---o0o---

And from the pilot during his welcome

message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased

to announce that we have some of the

best flight attendants in the industry.

Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

---o0o---

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very

hard landing in Cape Town : The flight

attendant came on the intercom and said,

"That was quite a bump and I know

what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell

you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't

the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight

attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

---o0o---

Overheard on a Kulula flight into

Cape Town , on a particularly windy

and bumpy day: During the final

approach, the Captain really had to

fight it. After an extremely hard landing,

the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and

Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother

City. Please remain in your seats

with your seat belts fastened while the

Captain taxis what's left of our airplane

to the gate!"


---o0o---

Another flight attendant's comment on

a less than perfect landing: "We ask

you to please remain seated as Captain

Kangaroos to the terminal."

---o0o---

An airline pilot wrote that on this

particular flight he had hammered

ship into the runway really hard. The

airline had a policy which required

the first officer to stand at the door

while the passengers exited, smile,

and give them a "Thanks for flying

our airline. He said that, in light of

his bad landing, he had a hard time

looking the passengers in the eye,

thinking that someone would have

a smart comment..

Finally everyone had gotten off

except for a little old lady walking

with a cane.

She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask

you a question?"

"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot.

"What is it?" The little old lady said,

"Did we land, or were we shot down?"

---o0o---

After a real crusher of a landing

in Johannesburg , the attendant came

on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen,

please remain in your seats until

Captain, Crash and the Crew have

brought the aircraft to a screeching

halt against the gate. And, once the

tire smoke has cleared and the

warning bells are silenced, we will

open the door and you can pick

your way through the wreckage to

the terminal.."

---o0o---

Part of a flight attendant's arrival

announcement: "We'd like to thank

you folks for flying with us today.. A

nd, the next time you get the insane

urge to go blasting through the skies

in a pressurized metal tube, we hope

you'll think of Kulula Airways."

---o0o---

Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and

gentlemen, if you wish to smoke,

the smoking section on this airplane

is on the wing.. If you can light 'em,

you can smoke 'em."

---o0o---

A plane was taking off from Durban

Airport . After it reached a

comfortable cruising altitude, the

captain made an announcement

over the intercom, "Ladies and

gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.

Welcome to Flight Number 293,

non-stop from Durban to Cape Town ,

The weather ahead is good and,

therefore, we should have a smooth

and uneventful flight.. Now sit back

and relax... OH, MY GOODNESS!"

Silence  followed, and after a

few minutes, the captain came

back on the intercom and said,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so

sorry if I scared you earlier. While

I was talking to you, the flight

attendant accidentally spilled a cup

of hot coffee in my lap. You should

see the front of my pants!" A

passenger then yelled, "That's nothing.

You should see the back of mine!"

 

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Last Updated on Thursday, 12 August 2010 11:36
 

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