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ALERTS TO TERROR THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE PDF Print E-mail
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Written by Cosmic   
Monday, 08 August 2011 11:40

 

 

Joke of the Week - 08/08/11

ALERTS TO TERROR THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE

By John Cleese


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent

terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security

level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."Soon, though, security

levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."


The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz

in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"

to "A Bloody Nuisance."

The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"

warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the

Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from

"Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They

don't have any other levels. This is the reason they

have been used on the front line of the British army for

the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it

has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide."

The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate"

and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent

fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively

paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from

"Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing."

Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations"

and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from

"Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing

Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels:

"Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual;

the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling

out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines

ready to deploy.

These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so

the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the

old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from

"No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more

escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to

cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is

canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use

of the final escalation level.



 

 

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Last Updated on Monday, 08 August 2011 11:47
 

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