Ho Ho Ho Print
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Written by Cosmic   
Friday, 07 January 2011 11:47

Ho Ho Ho

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite -
All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary

Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43,  
who was looking for some hot action! 
So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep the lazy woman busy.

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.
Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack 
wasn't what they had in mind.

After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Bill woke up
to find himself next to a really ugly woman.
That's when he realised he had made it home safely.

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".
Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5  
hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak

Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through
the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

Came home today to find all my doors and windows smashed
in and everything gone. What sort of sick person  
does that to someone's Advent calendar.

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.
To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes
women happy.   Nothing. 

A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad
that he had a part in the school play and he was playing 
a man who had been married for 25 years.
The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."

Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot.  
Oxfam can supply a whole African village for 
just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

2 women called at my door and asked what bread I ate,
when I said white they gave me a lecture on the
benefits of brown bread  for 30 minutes.. I think they
were Hovis Witnesses.




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Last Updated on Friday, 07 January 2011 11:55